Baby Shock
David contacted me shortly after he found out he was going to be a father again for the fourth time. This pregnancy was out of the blue and a shock to both David and his wife. Their new baby would be arriving seven years after their third child and this was causing all sorts of emotions to surface for David.
In our initial chat over the phone, he admitted that he needed to get his mind and emotions sorted because whilst his wife was delighted with the unexpected news, his evident numb response to the revelation wasn’t turning to one of immediate joy. He felt his thoughts and feelings were uncharacteristically selfish but could seem to shift them.
I asked David to jot some notes down that would help him in session and we agreed to work by phone since this arrangement suited his business commitments and his presenting issues didn’t necessitate a face-to-face consultation.
David’s initial response to how he felt was emotional numbness, shock, disbelief and a feeling of being backed into a corner with no escape route. So, this is where we started our work, clearing the shock and the feeling of being trapped. As these emotions dissolved, emotions of anger started to surface about how a new baby would radically change the lifestyle he was now enjoying with his family. How that freedom they now enjoyed on family holidays and days out, would all be lost.
It quickly became evident that it was the sacrifice of lifestyle that was causing the greatest amount of resentment as David thought back to the early years and how different life was in the toddler years and the amount of planning that was needed to take a break somewhere or to get out and socialise with friends or simply find time to dine with his wife or play the odd round of golf. He had never resented it back then because it was all new and part of having young children but now to revert to nappies and prams was causing these negative feelings to surface.
As we dissolved the anger, we moved into a feeling of frustration and the tide was starting to turn. David realised that he was thinking from the standpoint of who he was over a decade ago when he was on a fraction of his present income and working as an employee. Each time his wife had taken maternity leave, it had necessitated him working many extra hours to boost their family income and he had felt very stressed with the financial responsibility on his shoulders. Now however, things were very different indeed. In just under five years he had built his own profitable business and now enjoying a lifestyle far removed from when was a first-time parent.
As David’s feelings of frustration dissipated he found feelings of guilt and shame surfacing as all his thoughts had been revolving around how his life was going to change. He realised that this would be a big change for his wife too and we worked through these uncomfortable emotions he started to sound much more positive and upbeat. I asked him what was now on his mind and his feedback demonstrated a complete about turn from where we had started at the beginning of the session.
David realised that the root of his emotions were based in a reality that no longer existed. He no longer had to worry about the additional costs of childcare because his wife was now a very contented full-time mum. He also realised that instead of working excessive hours to cope with a new addition to the family, this time he could take time out and get more involved in fatherhood – something he missed previously because of his long hours at work. Equally, he wouldn’t lose the social life he now enjoyed with his wife because they could afford childminders to free them up for evenings out now when they wanted. He even joked that the sleepless nights wouldn’t be so gruelling now because he could choose to sleep in if necessary and manage his business from home some days.
David didn’t take long to clear his issues and view his situation from a fresh perspective. He reported back a week later that the single session had been like emotional dynamite, giving him the clarity and kick-start he needed but didn’t believe was possible a week earlier. He called me to confirm the dating scan went a few weeks later and was amazed at how scans had improved since their last one.
If you would like support to work through your emotions following the news of an unplanned pregnancy, the Pure Therapy Programme will provide you with everything you need. Alternatively, use the form at the foot of this page to drop me a line or call and speak with me directly on 01276 21386.
Conception & Birth Services
Pure Therapy Programme Brief therapy to dissolve your fears, phobias, anxieties and any emotional trauma. This programme focuses on calming your mind, restoring your confidence and self-esteem, giving you back a sense of control in your life as well as the clarity to make important decisions.
Essential Support Programme Regular, short check-in sessions by phone to keep you calm, relaxed, optimistic and positively focused between significant milestones from conception to birth. The therapeutic toolkit enables sabotaging emotional wobbles to be dissolved in an instant.
HypnoBirthing® Classes The ultimate in birth preparation classes to teach both you and your partner how to use hypnotic relaxation skills, special breathing techniques and endorphin releasing massage to manage the physical demands of labour and feel calm, relaxed and confident during the birth.
Parent Coaching Programme No baby arrives with a manual and few parents have endless hours to devour a ‘how to’ book. Parent coaching is a supportive route to helping you create your own practical solutions to whatever parenting challenges you are facing, in time sensitive short sessions.