Relationship & Intimacy
Steve contacted me as he was approaching the end of his first year as a father. He wanted to clear negative emotions which had been building for months and were causing him to feel abandoned and resentful towards his son.
Steve’s concerns related to what he described as ‘a complete nose-dive in the relationship department’. He said that these emotions had been snowballing for quite a while now and he wanted to get past them and find a way to get his relationship with his partner back on track.
Steve opted for a telephone consultation and I asked him to provide me with a list of issues in advance, so that we could work through them systematically. At the top of Steve’s list was a feeling of abandonment and rejection, so that is where we started, clearing the feelings which had built up over months of feeling like his was an outsider in his own family unit. He described feeling as if his son had now taken centre stage and received more attention than he did. Whilst he rationalised that this wasn’t true, it nevertheless was how he felt for some time now. So we cleared these emotions and after abandonment feelings of jealousy surfaced. Steve wasn’t comfortable facing how he felt towards his son and once we had cleared the anger, feelings of intimidation also needed clearing. Gradually the emotions shifted to feelings of frustration, impatience, then guilt and shame for feeling this way in the first place.
As Steve’s negative emotions dissipated, he started to get more perspective on the past year, reflecting on how demanding and tiring it had been in places with his son having colic issues, the sleepless nights and instead of resenting his wife’s persistence with breastfeeding which had been one of his ‘exclusion’ issues earlier in the session, he was now recognising this as her commitment to giving their son a great start and not to avoid intimacy.
Once we had cleared the negative emotions we turned our attention to simple adjustments Steve could make to improve both is relationship with his wife his relationship with his son. Steve was aware that his efficiency at work could be better and his frustrations at home had caused him to stretch out his work days. Now he wanted to get back to enjoying more family time, he was ready to get more focused and efficient in fewer hours at work, so that he could be home in time to take over the bath and bedtime routine. This gave him a chance to spend regular time each day with his son and give his wife time to take recharge for an hour before they sat down to dinner. Steve decided to ask his parents to babysit once a fortnight, so that he could take his wife out more regularly and enjoy some of the nights out they had before their son arrived. Steve also planned some weekend walks as the weather was improving, commenting that the fresh air, time to chat and spend time with his son with maybe a pub lunch thrown in would be something to look forward to at weekends. These and a few other adjustments gave Steve plenty to go away and implement and when I caught up with him a couple of months later, he sounded much happier and felt his relationships with his wife and son were much better. Steve found the session valuable for clearing stuck emotion but also as a good opportunity tackle work-life-balance issues too.
So, if you would like support to get more out of your relationship and family life, the Pure Therapy Programme and Parent Coaching Programme will help you here. Alternatively, you can drop me a line using the form at the foot of this page or call and speak with me directly on 01276 21386.
Conception & Birth Services
Pure Therapy Programme Brief therapy to dissolve your fears, phobias, anxieties and any emotional trauma. This programme focuses on calming your mind, restoring your confidence and self-esteem, giving you back a sense of control in your life as well as the clarity to make important decisions.
Essential Support Programme Regular, short check-in sessions by phone to keep you calm, relaxed, optimistic and positively focused between significant milestones from conception to birth. The therapeutic toolkit enables sabotaging emotional wobbles to be dissolved in an instant.
HypnoBirthing® Classes The ultimate in birth preparation classes to teach both you and your partner how to use hypnotic relaxation skills, special breathing techniques and endorphin releasing massage to manage the physical demands of labour and feel calm, relaxed and confident during the birth.
Parent Coaching Programme No baby arrives with a manual and few parents have endless hours to devour a ‘how to’ book. Parent coaching is a supportive route to helping you create your own practical solutions to whatever parenting challenges you are facing, in time sensitive short sessions.